Read and write your tale..., ...of Cid's great adventure. Options

[Cid]

Alright ladies, gentlemen (and I use the term liberally) and Knightsword, I have decided to start a thread similar to a thread of old. In this thread, I will begin the story of a penguin's great adventure. In this epic, RPG-like fantasy story we will each write a paragraph (roughly ten lines) that picks up where the last person left off. Granted, this first part will probably be a little longer than the rest should be. Still, this is fairly simple. There are only a handful or rules.

1. No killing the main characters. Cid, nor any of his companions, are allowed to die
2. Pirates are allowed. Ninjas are allowed. However, this should not degenerate into a pirates vs. ninja thing.
3. Make the story ridiculous. Don't make it too random or complete nonsense, but make it funny. Throw in lots of videogame references and characters. Try to parody the RPG genre (as well as other videogame genres) as much as possible.

And without further ado, I will write the opening to our tale.

It was a cold frosty morning in Antarctica in the middle of July. Our short, stout, flightless hero had just awoken. After eating his breakfast of prune flavored jell-o and raw fish, and watching the Tony Danza show, he put on his little penguin robe and went out to get his mail. After throwing away the usual masses of catalogues and anthrax-filled letters from Waluigi, Cid noticed he had received a package with a note from his great adventurer father who had gone missing over a decade before. The note read:

“Dear Cid,
Within this box, I send you my greatest treasure: the Goyreulphuhj boot. It is now yours too keep son. Also, our home town outside Cancun has been destroyed by the evil T’fosorcim Empire, and your mother and I have been mercilessly killed. Good luck my son…”

With that, Cid put on the Goyreulffff… the Gorillafuf… the Goyroffala… ah, forget it. He put on the stupid boot and began trotting off to swim to Chile and journey to Cancun to avenge his parents. On his way, Cid would meet friends and allies. One was a young and powerful knight with a silver spear named Ramza. The other was an odd cat named Cait Sith who rode on the back of a morbidly obese moogle and shouted obnoxiously through his megaphone. With his new found friends sworn to help him on his quest, Cid bravely pressed onward.

Still, the party did not yet feel complete. They needed one more…

This post has been edited by Cid: Sep. 20, 2005, 11:02 PM

[leto]

That one more would be found in the heroically beautiful leto, who was accompanied everywhere by her faithful side kick Ralph.
Cid and his followers stumbled across leto at a small frozen fish bar in sim city, and whilst ordering their serves of frozen fish found out that leto and her faithful side kck were hankering for a little adventure.
Cid warned leto of the perils that lie ahead if she chose to accept the mission.
Leto scoffed and reminded Cid that she had been working in a frozen fish bar for the past month, so she was sure she'd seen it all.
They decided that to get to their next destination they would...

[Knightsword]

As the four, and the poor moogle with the weight problem, traveled they learned of a tale of a great and powerful magic bastardsword, that could aide them in their journey. The searched high and low and even lower still and finally found where the sword rested, a misty old forest that smelled of elderberries and had pretty shrubs all through out it.

The magical bastardsword was driven into a stone. The stone craved with runes said "A companion this sword shall make, be warn bane to all that..." After Cid read the runes, he decided "what could it hurt" and pulled the sword out of the stone. After the sword was pulled free it let loose a loud obscene word and proceeded to say in a very foul mouth manner "bout bloody time, I was wondering if you were gonna stand there all day with that dumb grin on your face. Well what ever it is you need we better be off, the name's Illuminus, thats with two ells, ya better get it right"

And so Cid has found his fifth companion, a foul mouthed magical bastardsword, named Illuminus. And so the four and the moogle, who has lost a few pounds from all the walking continue the journey.

[Cid]

Knightsword, just for the record, those things written on the stone are called runes, not ruins. I'm guessing that was a typo. But back to the story.

But they did not get very far.

As the company attempted to leave the forest with Cid's sharp sword with an even fouler mouth, a gimongous dragon rose out of the ground, breathed some fire, and let out a hideous shriek.

Cid quacked loudly in horror.
"Oh my goodness!" cried leto.
"Holy ****ing ****!!!" yelled the sword.

With that, the party scattered in every direction and the dragon began stomping around in aimless circles. Ramza grabbed Cait Sith's megaphone and shouted, "Everyone, attack its feet! Ralph, you run around infront of its firebreathing maw and act as live bait." And so the party charged the dragon's feet and attacked with all their fury. Then, Cait Sith, upon his snow white steed, bore down on the beast's ankle with his megaphone. The dragon then dropped its head to the ground and just sat there. Cid began to peck at it's head furiously.

"Hey, kid!" said Illuminus.
Cid looked at him, puzzled.
"Pick me up and use me to finish off this sunuva..."
With that, Cid pinched the sword between his flippers. He raised it over his head and dealt a punnishing blow to the dragon's neck, killing it dead. Done, dead, died. The party was then able to relax and gather their things to continue their journey. Then Illuminus looked up and down at leto. "Not a bad day's work, eh toots?"


"Hey, where's my moogle?" shouted Cait Sith through his megaphone.
Due to the exertion of the battle and all the walking previous to that, the corpulent moogle was very hungry, and so he devoured the dragon, becoming fatter than ever.

And so the party, consisting of the brave Cid, powerful Ramza, loud Cait Sith upon his obese moogle, beautiful leto and her useless sidekick, and the foul-mouthed bastardsword, continued onwards.

This post has been edited by Cid: Sep. 21, 2005, 12:34 PM

[leto]

But not before the heroically beautiful leto had slapped cid for calling her toots.
She then apologised and considered that cid being a penguin may not know about how to treat a person let alone a woman. But told him that she would prefer that the group did not treat her like a stupid bimbo as she was not.
and reminded them that without her they would all starve.

Continuing onwards proved harder than they had first imagined, whilst passing through the wicked mountains of the guy who always wore a shirt they shockingly were confronted by that guy and his pickle called olive. They looked wonderingly at him for only a second when some pirates walked by...

[sunfir66]

..and some ninjas

[Redeema]

Apparently, the Rennaisance Pleasure Faire was taking place, their were men dressed up in puffy shirts, not named Jerry and/or Seinfeld, there were women in corsets and wigs with fake moles. For some reason there were ninjas, no one knew why they were there, but they were there in their pajamas and slippers. Cid and the rest of the gang all decided that they'd stay and do a little jig for a while. Cid dressed up as a woman to get some information as to where they were, so they would know where to head next.

Leto got herself one of those nifty turkey legs wrapped up in foil and ate it all, and then she belched really, I mean really loud, it brought a tear to Cait Sith's eye.

Ralph, fell on the ground stubbed his big toe and wet his pants, because of all his crying he made a huge snot bubble (you know like that kid in Wind Waker). It was gross, but funny in so many ways.

While everyone had their backs turned, one of the pajama suited ninjas stole Illuminous (with two "L's") and ran off into the darkness. (Yes, it was dark already, in this world it gets dark quickly because it's not a real time fully immersive world)

To be continued...

[Knightsword]

and appearently a few minutes was all it took for Illuminus curse out the ninjas for them to get fead up and return Illuminus to Cid

[leto]

The next morning everyone had a hang-over and refused to move from the very comfortable grooves their bodies had made in the sand.
Until...

[Cid]

... the Goyreulphuhj boot began to glow. Cid simply watched in aw.
"Wouldja turn that !@#$%& thing off. I'm tryin' to get some sleep 'ere!" shouted a still somewhat drunken Illuminus.
"This could only mean one thing!" said Ramza. "Danger is approaching."
"An' exactly how the !@#$ do ya know that?" asked the sword.
But before he had time to answer, the party was surrounded by pirates. Mean looking pirates. The types of cutthroat bilge rats that woulda made Captain Flint seem like a choir boy. Their leader then stepped forth and spoke. "I be Captain Pinkbeard." And the likes of ye scurvy land lubbers has happened upon our secret pirate's cove of burried treasure."
"You call the beach behind a Holiday Inn a secret pirate's cove?" shouted Cait Sith.
'Arrrrrrrrr!" The flamboyant Ct. Pinkbeard just seemed angered by this. "Get 'em lads!"
And so a swashbuckling fight scene ensued. Ramza armed with his spear, Cait Sith with his megaphone, leto with a large trout, and Cid with Illuminus dove into the battle. Ralph just hid in a barrel. But still, the party was victorious. Ramza grabbed Ct. Pinkbeard by the shirt. "Now give us the keys to your pirate ship!"
"Or what?" replied Pinkbeard.
"Or I'll have the fat moogle sit on you." quipped Cid.
"Or I'll take this penguin, and shove it so far up your..." shouted Illuminus.
"Shouldn't that be the other way around?" thought Cid.

And so the party gained the keys to Captain Pinkbeard's pirate ship (which was also pink) and set sail. Where will the winds take them next?


Great contribution sunfir66. I couldn't have done better myself. And Red, I got the Seinfeld reference. Funny episode.